Monday, December 22, 2008

updating my website

Web design itself is pretty difficult and hard to do well, so when I finally decided to update my website in style and content I chose to try Drupal again. It's kindof overkill maybe for a small site but it beats the headaches of trying to format using html or dreamweaver. It allows me to create content and keep things simple. I have a lot of respect for web designers and I know they know that few appreciate how tough their job is. This could help me if I end up managing web projects.

So check out my newly evolving website at www.charleskeatts.com and let me know what you think, how you think it could be better, and what works and doesn't work. Thanks!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Vipassana, "diluted" Buddhism and my teachers

One day many years ago, after I had been studying Eastern religions for many years, including Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, and some other possible permutations, I had a friend at the time tell me that he had gone on a Vipassana retreat. He had done a week or ten day silent meditation retreat in what I assumed was a type of Buddhism similar to the Soto Zen I had studied. Oh no, he said, maniacally, this type of Buddhism was the only real, true Buddhism, what the Buddha really taught. This type of dogma always made me skeptical and he said it with such certainty that I was especially dubious.

That was about ten years ago and I have met many practitioners of Vipassana, or Insight meditation, over the years, and have attended a class and studied books such as "What the Buddha Taught" based on a recommendation from my Soto Zen Teacher, Tim McCarthy. I have not heard many claims over the years regarding purity or superiority like my crazy friend, obviously a "young" student of the practice. I have noticed what might be arrogance or a lack of beginners mind in some, and in myself, over the years, but I see that as part of the process and nothing lethal. I am a big fan of Zen myself and love the Blue Cliff Record and other teachings, as well as the words of Shunryu Suzuki Roshi, who founded the San Francisco Zen Center and Tassajara, and who worked with Kobin Chino Otokawa, Roshi who taught my teacher.

Recently the issue of Insight Meditation and other forms of Buddhism came up at my girlfriends' house and the discussion apparently got pretty heated. I was not there, thankfully, but heard enough to think of a way to poke fun at statement like "other forms of Buddhism are watered-down Vipassana". I don't know who told my friend Alan that, if anyone, but if that's true isn't Vipassana a diluted form or branch of Hinduism? I don't think so obviously but it's fun to imagine the reactions.

I prefer to think of these religions and philosophies evolving over time as they travel through different cultures. Maybe not better, or worse, but different. I don't know if it is necessary to complicate it much more than that. Or not at all. Suzuki Roshi talked about how we are just Buddhists, and Kobun says some interesting things here.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

language virus theory origins and similarity to burning man


so this link will take you to some info on the original ws burroughs idea of the viral language: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nova_Trilogy.

I was also thinking about the viral nature of burning man. I think that it is interesting, annoying and scary the way people use burning man as a label, a way of categorizing certain types of art or dress. for example, if people have a certain kind of hair and dance or play a certain type of music, they can be lumped in the bm category easily, when their original motivation, like the culture of bm itself, came from somewhere else. maybe it is a lazy way of forgetting or not admitting ones ignorance: I don't know where these people came from or how they got their ideas but I am too lazy to wonder about it so I will just label them as burners. it's a virus, I think, like bm itself, which infects and lives off its hosts, and I am mixing my metaphor.

I love bm don't get me wrong. just don't assume and overuse the label, please.

legendary pink dots and other stuff

saw the legendary pink dots at cafe du nord tonight: http://www.last.fm/music/The+Legendary+Pink+Dots

They were very good, reminding me of early pink floyd with syd barrett, but not crazy, combined with dj shadow and massive attack, who they probably influenced. the opening act was big city orchestra and they were good too, more avante garde.

a good day today of helping kate with her bike, a cool dahon ciao folding bike with a shimano internal shifting cartridge. very warm in the bay area today, thank you suvs. had fun painting with a friend's five year old daughter, very cute, and worked on my own stuff, more windows, using vinyl and other mediums. had an idea for a window covered in blue resin with just scratches in it, maybe other patches of color. tomorrow plan on meditating, running, bouldering, and reading ny times with coffee. some or all of that could happen. trying to keep up more on news these days. the idea of hillary as sec of state is interesting. not likely, I guess.

need to choose a project management class soon. if anyone has taken classes at PMI I could use some feedback on a couple. also looking at a life coach that I like but it's a bit pricey...

Monday, October 27, 2008

thanksgiving prayer by william s burroughs

cheery.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7_MYrVzU-Y

one version of language is a virus

so this is how I first heard of this phrase, from laurie anderson's music, the idea she borrowed from william s burroughs of course. enjoy the fashion of the 80s...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZkjoXyexKk

Friday, October 24, 2008

a different world...

Unemployed for the first time in many years, I am fortunate to have a good support network, a cool dating partner, and my recent open studios gig to ease the transition. Terracotta was a great place to work with awesome people and I learned a lot. It's time to move on, and as I look toward the future I see opportunities for sales and project management perhaps, as I look at my options. If people know of IT sales or other sales opportunities, feel free to email me at keatts at gmail dot com, and if you know of ways to break into project management, whether it be training, jobs, certification, or people you know who would be good to talk to, let me know. I am trying to be open to possibities as I have some time to look around.

I don't think it's going to be fun to look for a job until after the election anyway. It should be better then, he says optimistically.

And I am optimistic. Everything happens for a reason, even if it means hard lessons, which I don't think is the case here. We will see what the future brings.

I sold several pieces at Open Studios, and have some definite ideas for new work. Feel free to share your own positive experiences of survival post-job or job change...

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Open Studios in the Mission


This will be my first Open Studios, at my new studio in Art Explosions at 17th and Potrero. The hours are listed here: http://www.theartexplosion.com/Events/Events.php

I will have new work and some older work for discounted prices. I look forward to seeing people there friends and many new people.

What else is new? Although my territory at Terracotta has changed, I am still working with people in Western Europe, the US, and Asia, mainly China, Korea and Japan. In the US I am focused on the Midwest i.e. Illinois, Arkansas, Wisconsin, Texas, etc.

It's a great opportunity and lots of cold-calling. Trying to learn as much as I can from my team and from Sandler and other resources. I am pretty much in awe of the developer talent here and am always interested in what is going to happen next with this technology.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

great paul bowles quote from the sheltering sky

I have posted this quote many times in many places. It is probably my favorite quote, aside from the opening lines to Mrs. Dalloway....

Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that is so deeply part of your being that you, that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more, perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps 20. And yet it all seems limitless.

Paul Bowles, the Sheltering Sky

Thursday, July 31, 2008

good tips for time management for sales etc.

The TACTIC: Be on goal time, not clock time.

The STORY:

It dawned on Bob that for the past week or so, his fellow salesperson, Janet, had barely mumbled hello before disappearing into the office or leaving for appointments. Wonder if it's something I said. She had even left the office early a couple times that week. We used to close down the office at night, he thought.

Bob knew the way you made it in sales was by putting in the time. No one else in the office even came close to putting in the hours they did. With all the things that needed to be done, or the emergencies that always popped up, there was no way to just work an eight hour day. But what was happening to Janet, he wondered. Had she lost the edge?

The next morning, Bob showed up two hours early to catch up with Janet. He did.

"Yo, Janet," he called, getting out of his car, just as she was getting into hers. Where's she going, he thought to himself. It's six in the morning.

"Hi, Bob," she responded, "guess we haven't gotten together much in the past week."

With a big smile, Bob said, "Janet, I want you to know I've changed my mouthwash; you don't have to tell me... I figured it out myself."

She laughed. "That's not why. Ever since the sales meeting two weeks ago... it just clicked in my head."

"What's that? Half the time I'm lucky enough if I don't snore."

"You only snored once . . . the thing about working toward daily goals and letting the clock take care of itself. So that's what I did. I've got a couple of daily goals that I work at each day until they are completed." Then in a surprised voice she added, "It's working, too!"

"Come on, Janet, it's Bob. I'm not management."

"You know how I hated to ask for referrals? One of my daily goals is calling my customers until I get one referral. It works. I've gotten four appointments:

I don't run with the clock, I run with my goals."

"And I'm left taking care of all the important stuff."

"Sure," responded Janet, "like the whole day we spent tracking down the guy who could fix the copier?"

"Well, someone has to take care of business."

The RESULT:

Janet finally sees that how you spend your time is more important than how much time you spend.

DISCUSSION:

There are a couple of commonly accepted sales tales handed down from one salesperson to another. It's almost like a tribal mythology.

One of the more enduring is how you have to spend much more than 40 hours a week if you want to make it in sales. Then the tale goes on to relate how Bill, or Mary, or whoever, spent a tremendous number of hours a week and by age 30, was pulling down an income in the high six figures. Now remember these "tales" may actually be true.

The unfortunate message that most salespeople hear from these tales is that a tremendous number of hours spent means a tremendous income at some point in the future. So they decide that they, too, are going to spend the long hours.

But then the question becomes doing what? There are more day-to-day things to do then there is time to do them. If you have any doubt, anyone who owns a home knows that you could spend the rest of your life working on the home and never finish all that needs to be done.

Thus many salespeople, willing to put in the hours, get caught up in trying to do all the things that just seem to pop up every day. After a few weeks or months of this, still not seeing any substantial income improvement, they tire of the 18-hour days. Who wouldn't?

Here's their problem. They worked very hard to deal with the things that popped up instead of working on reaching their goals. If they were working on their goals, many of the things that pop-up would be relegated to someone else's list of chores.

What you choose to do with your time is truly up to you. Why not spend that time working toward your goals?

APPROACH:

There is no substitute for an individual salesperson's goals. While a monetary goal is good, there also have to be goals that lead to the monetary goal.

Setting specific goals for yourself and working toward them on a daily basis is, at first, difficult. You will be sorely tempted to skip a day or so and go back to your old ways. Others, who are still reacting to pop-ups, will do their best to get you back to the way you were.

If you give in, you are only denying yourself additional income. You cannot go back and redo a day. Once you waste it on pop-ups, it is gone forever.

Always build into your goals a periodic—at least once every two months—review. On that day, you spend the entire day reviewing your progress and making goal adjustments as needed.

THOUGHT:

Either way you are going to spend the time. The only question is how. Which one makes you money?
©1995, 2007 Sandler Systems, Inc and TEM Associates, Inc. All rights reserved. S Sandler Sales Institute 180° From Traditional Sales Training (with design) is a registered service mark of Sandler Systems, Inc. Tactics for Sales Managers is a service mark of Sandler Systems, Inc.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

just a few groucho marx quotes

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get
there. After that, you're on your own.

With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now.

You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

writing, art, climbing etc.

I noticed today that most people write blogs about the main focus of their work or their life. I read alot of tech blogs for work. I have not been blogging about my main areas of expertise and focus lately, writing and art. I don't really like to, for one thing, and there's not that much to say really even when I am writing or making art a lot, which is not the case right now. I have been focusing most of my energy on my new job these last few months and a. marathon training and fundraising b. socializing c. moving. All good stuff but it's time to get back to writing and art, and climbing too.

I bought a new fancy notebook yesterday and starting writing in it. This is an important part of my process, not just in terms of working on novels but also art, life, etc. I have been keeping a journal since I was in high school and although I don't call it that, my notebooks are the equivalent and have been since I started writing poetry and fiction more seriously in 1987 or so.

I think I am starting to rewrite a novel that is fairly big, called living in the ice age, definitely sci-fi, and also working on the rough draft of another new novel. and looking for an agent/publisher for my second novel, in the flat field (formerly called daydream nation).

I picked up a book on training for climbing that is very good. I need to get some cheap thrift store furniture for my new art studio and I will be ready to rock there.

It's a good thing I don't like to relax or do nothing, per se, as I have no time for that. I do things that are relaxing, healing, rejuvenating, etc. so I am set.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Marathon Fundraising with Art for You

So I am almost ready to do the marathon here in San Francisco Aug. 3. I am ready, probably, and ran 20 miles on Sunday and felt pretty good. I have raised over $900 which is great! Thank you to everyone who contributed! The Aids Marathon and SF Aids Foundation are a great cause. Unfortunately for me I agreed to raise $1800 by June 1, which means that the balance, about $900, has been deducted from my checking account. I agreed to these terms, but it does put some pressure on me to raise funds quickly which will be reimbursed to my account.

So what I am going to do is offer my art! Anyone who makes a contribution to my aidsmarathon page via credit card or directly to me via check/cash can choose a work of art from my online portfolio: http://www.flickr.com/photos/keatts/sets/1600926/

or another piece they have seen that they like. I will even do a commission if it is within my ability (I don't paint realistic portraits etc.).

Donate here: http://www.aidsmarathon.com/participant.asp?runner=SF-1085&Year=2008&EventCode=SF08

So please check out my images on flickr, stop by my studio or my new apt, and tell me what you want. Let's raise some money!

Obviously anyone who has already made a contribution can also choose something. Thank you very much for your help! Also, I don't mind making a contribution of about $100, so I hope to raise $800 more in the next few weeks.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Narrowing the focus at Terracotta

A good description by Alex Miller of what's going on at our home away from home (also known as work). Well, actually he doesn't leave home. Unless he's going to a coffee shop:

http://tech.puredanger.com/2008/07/08/narrowing-the-focus/

Monday, July 07, 2008

spreadsheet server from extentech

My last employer, Extentech in San Francisco, where I learned a lot about sales and java, has recently released the collaboration edition of their spreadsheet server. Check it out here: http://www.extentech.com/index.jsp. If you are involved in spreadsheet development, collaboration, java and/or restful development, it's a great alternative to google or other spreadsheet solutions.

In other news, I am sunburned from trying surfing and boogie boarding for the first time on Saturday. I am now completely moved into my new place and new studio and look forward to seeing Yas tonight in Oakland.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

saturday night after long run

got up at about 5:30 am and ran 20 miles with the aids marathon crew. it was pretty good. I am very sore. just watched the second disk of "dead like me" a good and funny show. now watching the pixies live in boston on their reunion tour. fun!

a woman in my group is thinking about running a marathon in utah in september. it is all slightly downhill, which sounds pretty good.

Friday, May 30, 2008

invade myanmar

A dumb idea I want to talk about.

If we are going to invade another country, we should invade the country formerly known as Burma, not Iran. Here are the key reasons why:

it would be easier. the junta in myanmar is incompetent and would be pretty trivial compared to real fighting real terrorists or military powers.

It would fun to hear the call to China for help: "I'm sorry but no one is available to take your call, please leave a message..."

it's a good cause. the junta is a corrupt dictatorship and does nothing to help their people in times of crisis.

it would be good practice for jungle fighting. lots of jungle there. It might make North Korea nervous for a minute.

it would support the cause of Aung San Suu Kyi who is the coolest. she would not support a violent takeover but that's ok.

there might be oil, gold, diamonds or natural gas all over the place in burma, and the junta would not even know, they are so stupid. there could be terrorists there hiding in the hills, even osama. He could be there. we should go look.

major opiate producing country, and source of child prostitutes for thailand. good to stop or slow this down.

it would annoy the Chinese government.

Iran and other countries could relax and focus on extorting trillions of dollars in oil from america instead of worrying about getting invaded. whew! what a relief!

I bet you have some good reasons of your own! I look forward to them...

Thursday, May 29, 2008

a quote

a quote from my new novel (wt) land of a thousand suns:

"i need online dating like I need a hole in my head. but this is a hole I can't really avoid in my quest. to empty out brain matter, certain portions of the brain I did not need anyway. online dating can certainly accomplish this."

obviously me, or the main character, were anticipating even more loss of brain matter which would ensue.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

moving sometime...

Every time i think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue - new order

Well it looks like I can move. Thanks to the parents in their usual random but timely generosity I have a little extra cash to move in San Francisco, which if you know anything about SF, or NY or such big cities, it can cost a lot of money to move into a decent place. So the search will begin soon...no rush but I do want to get started.

Other options like buying a scooter just aren't good because my landlady may end up selling her house, leaving my screwed blued and tattooed (as my dad would say). The last part is ok, but maybe not in the way I would like...

I will be looking at studios, 1bdr, shared spaces, live/work art spaces, and the like. Mostly in SF but possibly in the East bay if a cool art studio live/work situation pops up.

Like with burner types who are more into art and working than partying. That soft of thing. Big kids like me with goals.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

astrology

this description fits me better than many I have read:

http://entertainment.howstuffworks.com
/november-17-birthday-astrology.htm

Thursday, April 17, 2008

excitement


testament
Originally uploaded by ck23.

the idea of having a space to put up this large, bright, lovely painting is very exciting. I have not seen this puppy rolled out in a while. I should ask for $2K. Half to be donated to the campaign of course.

yet another art showing

Just found out yesterday about a chance to show alot of my art in a space in Soma. It's for a campaign kickoff for Carole Migden's re-election, and I am donating half of my sales to her campaign. If you are a supporter of Carole then you can stop by at 9:30 saturday morning, it is very much focused on political activity and re-election stuff, but there will be great art on the walls. :-) I know she has done a lot for my part of the city and I am excited to be supporting her and showing my art. Let me know if you want more details.

some lyrics from pavement. for no reason:

cut your hair

Darlin dont you go and cut your hair
Do you think its gonna make him change?
Im just a boy with a new haircut
And thats a pretty nice haircut
Charge it like a puzzle, hit me wearin muzzles
Hesitate to die, look around, around, the second drummers drowned
His telephone is found

Music scene is crazy, bands start up each and every day
I saw another one just the other day
A special new band
I remember lying
I dont remember lies
I dont remember what
But I dont care, I care, I really dont care
Did you see the drummers hair?

Advertising looks and chops a must
No big hair!!
Songs mean a lot
When songs are bought
And so are you-
Bitch, rant down to the practice room
Attention and fame so
Career, career, career...

Friday, April 11, 2008

climbing, running, and working

Listening to Spiritualized, live at Albert Hall, on great headphones at work. Saw Ani Difranco earlier this week at the Fillmore, a great guitarist and band, song writer and musician, very moving. It was like watching Miles Davis, in terms of musicianship, and his band before he died. Amazing.

Lots of climbing in the gym and talking to people about trips. Climbed four days in a row last week which seems to have paid off, felt stronger for sure last night. Heading down to Castle Rock sunday. Ran 11 miles with Aidsmarathon crew on Saturday and did my three short runs this week for the first time! Legs feel stronger.

Link to my Aidsmarathon site to donate.


Work at Terracotta has been very busy so I have not been as available for friends. I hope that changes soon, until then, hang in there.

I changed the title of my blog a bit to reflect the germs and ghosts we, or I, at least, live with. Boo.

Monday, April 07, 2008

lyrics from setting sun

one of my favorite songs....by the chemical brothers...just hits me on many levels...

reminds me sortof of a paul bowles quote, how many sunsets will you see again in your lifetime, etc... and the music is super high energy here so the effect is of total transformation:

You're the devil in me I brought in from the cold
You said your body was young but your mind was very old
You're coming on strong and I like the way
The visions we had have faded away
You're part of a life I've never had
I'll tell you that it's just too bad
(X5)
You're coming on strong
You're showing your colour
Like a setting sun

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

a great Tolkein elf

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fingolfin

one of my favorite elves and stories from the Silmarillion. 400 years!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Friday, March 28, 2008

First show, first sale

Not my first show ever, but first solo show in San Francisco and the Bay Area, I believe. And a sale, which is cool. Just the beginning...

Monday, March 24, 2008

truly, madly, java, art

Two things. More fun java info from my new job here at Terracotta. http://javathink.blogspot.com/2008/03/clustered-classloader.html

It's interesting stuff. Also, I am indeed showing my work at the Church St. Cafe this week, from yesterday until the end of the month, so check it out, and stop by my table/party on Thursday after 6 pm. This is the cafe between 15th and Market on Church. Used to be Muddys. I have six paintings and/or mixed media canvases on display. Here is the artist statement:

I have been painting and making visual art since 1989, and although I have shown my work in San Francisco and other places over the years, this is my first solo show in San Francisco. I am happy it is in this space where I have spent many hours and purchased many mochas over the last few years since I started living in SF.

These paintings and mixed-media works comprise three basic styles or periods. They blend or overlap somewhat, but there are differences. All were made in San Francisco, either in the Castro or the Mission, so they are all within the last two or three years. Some focus more on color, or layer, and certainly others have a more textured quality. I have always been fascinated by a sculptural texture in painting and the different techniques or materials to use in that. I love color also but sometimes, as in the unprimed canvas work, a more muted color or a darker, grittier urban feel. My recent work is more like chemical stains, a sortof accidental darker homage to Frankenthaler.

Conceptually I see my work engaged with language, the struggle with language, or its absence in the face of a visual existence. As a writer and novelist I have an interesting relationship with language that is very much in the truce stage now. This conversation goes more into theory of course and discussions about Lacan, Derrida, etc. Ultimately like Kenneth King, the chorographer/dancer, I am mainly interested in eyes, in looking, and in making things.

Thank you for looking.

Charles Keatts, SF, 2008

Sunday, March 23, 2008

my art is on display

my art is up at the church st cafe! for one week! woohoo!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

this monkey's gone to heaven

New job has a new website design: www.terracottatech.com. I am really liking the new job alot, it shows you can work and have fun with cool and interesting people. I really like hearing the tech side people present the product, it makes me understand it better and appreciate the level of quality that goes into the software.

In other news, my health is stabilizing, as Jen pointed out, I am doing well even though I have had a change in sleep patterns this week, not really tired much at all. I did sleep in today though...

Tonight at the Make-out Room Amy Tan and a bunch of other poeple will be reading, so I am looking forward to that. I just updated Linkedin to show my work on writing and art, so that is another way to market oneself.

Got my road bike. Very nice to ride after the cool but heavy cruiser/folding bike. Easier to carry too.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

ch-ch-changes


Much stuff happening lately:

  • Resigned from my job at Extentech today and accepted an offer from Terracotta. I learned a lot at Extentech, it toughened me up, and I am very excited to be at a growing startup.
  • I went snowboarding last weekend for the first time in 3 years. I did quite well and was very sore from just boarding and a few falls.
  • I am watching Speed Racer, the first episodes, and just confirmed that Trixie is indeed his gifrlfriend. As I thought. I like Trixie.
  • Last week, after an endoscopy and colonoscopy, I was diagnosed with celiac disease, which is basically an allergy to wheat or gluten. With a gluten free diet, healthy eating, and supplements I should be back to normal in about six months. It's a challenge avoiding gluten though.
  • Somehow, possibly from the new diet, stress, or sports I have managed to lose about 7 lbs in the last week or so.
  • Work on my newest novel, Regret, continues, while I continue to look for an agent for Daydream Nation. I think Regret may easily be the best thing I have ever written. Although I have written a few good poems.
  • Just got some more contributions for the aidsmarathon. email me at keatts@gmail.com if you would like to contribute.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

new toy

Friday, February 08, 2008

SOA, Virtualization, and Exteria

This is a great quote from Information Week that relates to one of the products I sell, an integration/soa platform:

"What virtualization does for hardware, SOA does for software. Programmers need no longer develop each application separately; SOA lets them build apps from simple services that can be used over and over. Those programmers are, increasingly, business analysts who use model-based development environments and never have to write a line of code."

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

The Bear, a poem by Galway Kinnell

"The way upward and the way downward are the same."
1. p.89. Fr.60

Diels: Die Fragmente der Vorsokratiker (Herakleitos)


a nice quote from the beginning of Four Quartets. Here is a great poem:

The Bear
by Galway Kinnell

1

In late winter
I sometimes glimpse bits of steam
coming up from
some fault in the old snow
and bend close and see it is lung-colored
and put down my nose
and know
the chilly, enduring odor of bear.


2

I take a wolf's rib and whittle
it sharp at both ends
and coil it up
and freeze it in blubber and place it out
on the fairway of the bears.

And when it has vanished
I move out on the bear tracks,
roaming in circles
until I come to the first, tentative, dark
splash on the earth.

And I set out
running, following the splashes
of blood wandering over the world.
At the cut, gashed resting places
I stop and rest,
at the crawl-marks
where he lay out on his belly
to overpass some stretch of bauchy ice
I lie out
dragging myself forward with bear-knives in my fists.


3

On the third day I begin to starve,
at nightfall I bend down as I knew I would
at a turd sopped in blood,
and hesitate, and pick it up,
and thrust it in my mouth, and gnash it down,
and rise
and go on running.


4

On the seventh day,
living by now on bear blood alone,
I can see his upturned carcass far out ahead, a scraggled,
steamy hulk,
the heavy fur riffling in the wind.

I come up to him
and stare at the narrow-spaced, petty eyes,
the dismayed
face laid back on the shoulder, the nostrils
flared, catching
perhaps the first taint of me as he
died.

I hack
a ravine in his thigh, and eat and drink,
and tear him down his whole length
and open him and climb in
and close him up after me, against the wind,
and sleep.


5

And dream
of lumbering flatfooted
over the tundra,
stabbed twice from within,
splattering a trail behind me,
splattering it out no matter which way I lurch,
no matter which parabola of bear-transcendence,
which dance of solitude I attempt,
which gravity-clutched leap,
which trudge, which groan.


6

Until one day I totter and fall—
fall on this
stomach that has tried so hard to keep up,
to digest the blood as it leaked in,
to break up
and digest the bone itself: and now the breeze
blows over me, blows off
the hideous belches of ill-digested bear blood
and rotted stomach
and the ordinary, wretched odor of bear,

blows across
my sore, lolled tongue a song
or screech, until I think I must rise up
and dance. And I lie still.


7

I awaken I think. Marshlights
reappear, geese
come trailing again up the flyway.
In her ravine under old snow the dam-bear
lies, licking
lumps of smeared fur
and drizzly eyes into shapes
with her tongue. And one
hairy-soled trudge stuck out before me,
the next groaned out,
the next,
the next,
the rest of my days I spend
wandering: wondering
what, anyway,
was that sticky infusion, that rank flavor of blood, that poetry, by which I lived?



From A New Selected Poems by Galway Kinnell, published by Houghton Mifflin. © 2000 by Galway Kinnell. Used with permission. All rights reserved.



a song

A great song, maybe it's about me right before this latest breakup:

New Order, Regret

Maybe Ive forgotten the name and the address
Of everyone Ive ever known
Its nothing I regret
Save it for another day
Its the school exam and the kids have run away

I would like a place I could call my own
Have a conversation on the telephone
Wake up every day that would be a start
I would not complain of my wounded heart

I was upset you see
Almost all the time
You used to be a stranger
Now you are mine

I wouldn't even trust you
Ive not got much to give
Were dealing in the limits
And we don't know who with
You may think that I'm out of hand
That I'm naive, I'll understand
On this occasion, its not true
Look at me, I'm not you

I would like a place I could call my own
Have a conversation on the telephone
Wake up every day that would be a start
I would not complain of my wounded heart

I was a short fuse
Burning all the time
You were a complete stranger
Now you are mine

I would like a place I could call my own
Have a conversation on the telephone
Wake up every day that would be a start
I would not complain about my wounded heart

Just wait till tomorrow
I guess thats what they all say
Just before they fall apart

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I'm going to run a marathon

Well, as some of you know, I used to run marathons, triathlons, and ultramarathons in addition to climbing and living life. I have not done a marathon or similar even since the Big Sur trail marathon in 2003, when I decided to take a break.

Well, it is about 5 years later and I have decided to run the San Francisco AIDS marathon to raise money for local HIV/AIDS foundations. I will have more details soon that I will send out via email on how to contribute, but I figure if I get about 100 people to give me $30 I will raise way over the minimum amount of $1800. $3000 is alot if you think about all the people who are doing AIDS rides and the half or full marathon this year. Most of us have been effected by HIV/AIDS and this is a great way to contribute.

On a selfish note this race will help me get back in shape, break my previous best time, and start preparations for the Marathon des Sables, a longer, warmer race in the Sahara Desert. I will also be raising charity money for that but not until 2009.



Stay tuned!

About Me

My photo
super-knowledgeable good writer, thinker, maker. likes working with people on doable, successful projects.